Best Not To Assume

I had originally planned that my first blog post back would be about something else – and that post is still coming – but yesterday I learned an important lesson…again. It’s one I’ve learned many times before, but I seem to have difficulty getting it through my thick skull.

I had been corresponding by email with someone and I completely misunderstood something they said to me. Because of this misunderstanding, I thought the worst about them, even though the truth was the complete opposite of what I assumed.

The misunderstanding is not what I am ashamed of. Misunderstandings happen – especially when you are discussing something important with someone who is not physically before you. I am ashamed because I shared my assumptions with others as fact. This was wrong of me, and I have been sure to let everyone know that I was wrong. But it doesn’t change the fact that I should have known better.

I should have known better for three reasons – one, because this has happened to me before. Two, because I know that it is not a good idea to discuss important topics through a text-based conversation because so much gets misinterpreted when you can’t see facial expressions or hear tone of voice. Three, because this person has done so much good in my life.

I have difficulty trusting people these days. Many people that I thought I could trust have proven otherwise, and it makes me quick to believe that people are not who I thought they were. However, I still should not have jumped to conclusions. I should have given this person the benefit of the doubt – just like I want others to give me.

I am usually pretty good with words. I could write blog posts that make it look like I have it all together, that I make few mistakes, like I know exactly what I am doing all the time. But that is not real. First and foremost, I want to be real. Not throw my dirty laundry in your face and tell you to deal with it real. Not stand on my soapbox and tell you exactly what I think about everything real. Transparent real. As in, this is who I am, warts and all (I don’t actually have warts though). There is enough playing pretend on the internet already. You don’t need another feel good blog that actually makes you feel worse because you can’t figure out how to fix your life. I can’t fix my life either.

But I know who can. I know that every time I get the breath knocked out of me, there is someone there who helps me get back on my feet. This is the part that might sound cheesy, but it’s true. That someone is God. He keeps showing up in marvelous ways. He has yet to drop a few thousand dollars, a really nice house, or a brand new car in my lap, but He has met all my needs. And to be honest, at this stage in my life, I don’t want a really nice house or a brand new car. I have my hands contentedly full with the life that I currently have.

So if you get anything from this blog tonight (this morning?), get this. Don’t assume. Be real.

God bless!

The Land Of The Living

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

of David, Psalm 27:13

Psalm 27 is a grateful outpouring of King David’s heart – one that proclaims the protection and provision of the Lord over him. If you are familiar with the life of David, you know that it was fraught with many complications. Several of these were direct results of the king’s sin against the Lord and against His people, but David always repented. While God did not remove the consequences of David’s sin, He did not give up on him either. He continued to take care of David until the end of his life.

This verse has been resonating within my heart and mind the last couple of days – and especially today. The last few weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve faced since striking out on my own with my beautiful girls, and yet each step of the way I have found a reminder of God’s goodness. He has continued to provide for us over and over, and each time, it happened in a way that reminded me that I am seen by God and by His people. We have been blessed so much lately, and I am so grateful.

A couple weeks ago I needed to get us moved into a bigger apartment, and I was having difficulty finding one. God provided an apartment for us. But then my dad tried to transfer the last amount I needed into my bank account through PopMoney, and for whatever reason, it wasn’t going to be deposited in time for me to get my keys. God used a local church to help make moving possible. He also helped us find a church to try!

My oldest daughter needed a white top and black pants for a band competition last week, and I had bought them for her from Walmart. We couldn’t find them anywhere the next day, and so I thought maybe we accidentally left them at the store. I checked at the customer service desk and they weren’t there, nor was there a record of anyone having turned in a bag with those two items in there. The customer service worker told me to go get the same pants and the same shirt off the sales floor and bring them to her. She ended up sending them home with me for free even though I didn’t have a receipt! She didn’t know my situation either. She had no clue I was a single mom, that I have three growing girls, etc.

About a month ago, I had lost $100 and could not find it anywhere. I felt God tell me to let go and not worry about it. I chose to obey, and guess what? Saturday morning it turned up. And I needed it more on Saturday than I had a month ago. God’s timing may not seem perfect to us at the moment, but it truly is in the long run. I am so grateful He can see the big picture.

This life may be a roller coaster – day by day and moment by moment – but my God is always there. He is always with me, and He always provides. He knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

You may not understand why you are going through what you are going through. It may seem as if your prayers are not getting through to God. Trust. Easier said than done, I know. Someday, you will look back and see why He did things the way He did, and your heart will overflow with gratitude.

Quick Update

We are moved but not completely unpacked. Hoping to have everything done by the end of the week.

My internet access will not be hooked up until later tomorrow afternoon/evening, so I will probably not do a real post until then. (Or even Thursday.) It’s easy to do quick updates from the app on my phone, but I prefer to do a full fledged post on my laptop.

Hope you are all well!

I Am Not Gone

Hello Dear Readers,

For those of you who do not follow my Facebook page, I have not disappeared. This week has been beyond chaotic. Not necessarily bad, just insanely busy. I have posts brewing in my brain and a few notes jotted here and there, but I don’t have the time to put my full effort into these post ideas just yet. I will be back to regular posting very soon! ❤️

It’s Not All Sunshine And Roses

It’s 12:47 am and I have to be up in about five hours, but I felt the need to write this right now. I’m tired and I want to go to bed, but something said this needed to be done, so here I am.

I just finished uploading the biggest part of my grade in my current online class around ten minutes ago. It was a paper I entitled Truth or Fiction: The Fibonacci Sequence. Uploading this paper meant that this class (which I have loathed – umm, hello, math) has only one week left. Uploading this paper meant that the one thing I could do well in this course would be done. Math is not my friend, but I am really good at research and compiling it into a paper.

The problem, however, is that it was due at 11:59 pm on Sunday, April 21, 2019. My paper uploaded at 12:32 am on Monday, April 22, 2019.

It wasn’t that the paper wasn’t done. Oh, believe me, it was done. The school websites didn’t want to load quickly, and some of them wouldn’t load at all. I thought it might be my internet connection, but I didn’t have that problem with other webpages, so it had to have been on the school’s end. Once the page I needed to upload my paper to loaded, it didn’t want to upload my paper. And then it said my paper wasn’t a file. And then the file I uploaded disappeared completely from the page. Finally it uploaded correctly and I was able to turn it in. Hopefully I won’t lose points for something that was out of my control. I tried for nearly an hour to upload my document before succeeding.

Believe it or not, this little fiasco was the icing on the cake of my night. As I sat down (a few hours before) to finish up my paper and turn it in, a sudden wave of discouragement hit me. I messaged my two best friends to let them know what was going on so they could pray for me. To be honest, I sent it to one and then screenshot the messages and sent it to the other one, because I didn’t want to risk running out of time to work on my paper.

I listed six things that were making me feel discouraged – the final one being, “And I don’t want to finish writing this paper.” Three of the other five were the issues that my three daughters are struggling with right now. As a mom, I sometimes feel powerless to help them through some of these struggles, but when I’m not feeling discouraged, I know that that is just the voice of my overwhelmed mind. I can’t fix them, but I can help them. It just won’t all be solved overnight. Some of them might take more than a year. One of the other two is knowing we need a new rental – like now – and I have yet to find one. I have been looking for months. I viewed one last Thursday that I really liked, but the landlord had several people to show it to, and I am waiting to hear back. I am supposed to view another tomorrow, but I have to view it within my work hours. Someone was going to pick up a couple hours of my shift so I could go look at the apartment within the allotted timeframe, but something came up and they are no longer able to cover it. The other one is something I won’t go into detail on. Suffice it to say that parts of my life are still under control – to a degree – of someone I don’t want them under the control of. Their control is very limited, but sometimes it feels like more than it truly is.

Once I was able to list these things out, I felt immensely better. It was also easier to go to God and ask for help for these things, as the causes of my discouragement were now very clear in my mind. I also knew my friends would be there in prayer for me.

So why the urgency in sharing all of this? Because it’s too easy to live social media lives that have little to do with our real ones. It’s easy to type pretty words and talk about how faithful God is when things are going well. And although I can share with you things I have dealt with in the past, I find it’s easier to be seen as a real human with real problems if I can share with you the things I’m struggling with now.

This is not a plea for sympathy. This is merely reassurance that I am you. Not exactly you, but I have issues too. Issues that are quite overwhelming sometimes. The shoes I wear are not always attractive, and they definitely are not always comfortable. But I still believe that God is here and He hears me. He knows my past, my present, and my future, and He is in control. Although all I can see are a bunch of strangely colored puzzle pieces that don’t seem to go together at all, He can see the big picture on the puzzle box, and He knows how it all goes together.

Five hours ago, I wanted to lay down and give up. But now, with less than five hours until my alarm wakes me up to start the day, I am confident. Not in myself and my abilities, but in the fact that because of Him, I can face another day with grace and peace.

Sow Light

When my oldest daughter was six, she referred to Good Friday as “Black Friday”. And even though I know why we call it Good, her name for it often seems far more accurate.

Think about it from the perspective of the disciples. Jesus had told them that He would rise again, but so many things He had taught while on earth were in the form of parables – which had deeper meaning than what they seemed to at face value. It would be easy to believe that perhaps Jesus had meant something else other than literal resurrection – especially as one day stretched to two, and two to three.

Even had they known for certain that Jesus was being literal when He spoke of his return to life, it’s easy to wonder if we are remembering correctly when things don’t come to pass as quickly as we expect.

I was just sharing with a friend that there were things prophesied over me before I was even expecting my oldest daughter – who will be fourteen in August – that have yet to come to pass. Over the years, and especially over the last three, I have often wondered if it was simply emotion ruling both the people prophesying over me as well as myself. Other dreams that God placed directly in my heart seemed absolutely impossible from day one. But as things have changed over the last seven months, I am now seeing ways that God is opening up for these dreams and prophecies. God can open any door, even if it appears locked and barred to me.

For many people, Good Friday is easy to celebrate. Jesus died and rose again over two thousand years ago. We know the end of that part of the story. We don’t have to experience the agony of waiting and wondering what will happen next.

For others, it’s still a challenge. Yes, we know that Jesus died and rose again, but many are still waiting for their three days to be over. And those three days could be three months or fifteen years. I don’t know about you, but I am not good at waiting. Add in stress, pain, and the unknown, and the waiting becomes even more difficult.

But the truth is that although Jesus died and the three days that followed were excruciating for most – if not all – of his followers (including his own mother), but the story didn’t end there. Jesus did rise again. He kept His word. Which means we can trust that He will keep His word in our personal situations as well.

As I was doing my devotions today, I came across a verse that I’ve read a dozen times before. It isn’t one of the more well-known verses, but it impacted me today. Here it is:

“Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to His holy name.” Psalm 97:11-12

How dark and terrifying Jesus’ death must have been! How dark and terrifying our lives can be now. But God’s Word promises us light and joy when we live for Him. We will not always feel light and joy, but it’s there waiting for us if we choose it. You will often hear me talk about choices, because I am a firm believer that our choices directly affect us, as well as the people around us.

When my day does not go as planned, I can still choose light. If I wake up in a lot of pain, I can still choose joy. When my finances are tight and I don’t know how I will pay for bills, food, or rent, I can still choose light. If someone chooses to try to destroy me with their words, I can still choose joy. And as you may have heard before, happiness and joy are not the same thing. Happiness is temporary and dependent on things outside of us. Joy comes from within – from knowing that our present troubles are far outweighed by what God will bring in and through us on down the road. From knowing that we have a place in heaven once this life is over. From knowing that God doesn’t waste pain.

Many will ask why God causes us to go through hard times, why “bad things happen to good people”. The truth is that He doesn’t cause us to go through bad things anymore than He causes us to burn our hands when we touch something that is really hot. He allows it – because that is how we learn not to touch things that will burn us – but He does not cause it. As we are healing (and after we are healed) from the burn, He enables us to use our experience of pain to help someone else. We can warn them away, or if we find them after they have been burned, we can empathize and help them to heal.

As you go through today – whether you see it as Black or Good – know that light and joy are not far away. Once you find them for yourself, I hope you will then sow them into the lives of others, so they may find them too.

It’s Okay To Feel Discouraged

Yesterday was not a bad day. It was my day off and I was able to get some things done before snagging a nap. I even got to talk to my mom for a little while (Hi, Mom!)

Around 3 in the afternoon, I started to feel really discouraged. God has been providing for us, but lately my financial situation has been overwhelming at times. Being a single mom can be really hard in a “normal” situation, and dealing with all we are going through makes it even more challenging for me.

At first I was irritated with myself. I shouldn’t be discouraged. God has brought immense healing to me and my girls, and He does keep providing. I immediately started thinking of ways to pull myself out of my funk, but then I felt a stillness that reminded me that it’s okay to feel discouraged.

I knew I didn’t want to stay discouraged, but letting myself feel this hard emotion is healthy. We live in a drive thru world – everything must be now. I’m hungry and tired and I don’t want to cook? Let’s go through the drive thru. My kids are whiny and fighting and I know screens will keep them occupied? Let’s go through the drive thru. I don’t like how I’m feeling and it’s obviously a lack of faith? Let’s go through the drive thru. There are a lot of drive thru options here. Alcohol, binge-watching tv, taking a long nap, and even some that sound like good options, like reading the Bible, praying, or listening to worship music.

Please hear me out. There is nothing wrong with going through a drive thru (especially if you are buying God’s chicken at CfA) when you are hungry and tired and don’t want to cook. There is nothing wrong with letting your kids have screen time sometimes when you are about to pull your hair out and/or turn into The Hulk. And napping is good when you need the rest and recharge. And yes, reading the Bible, praying, and listening to worship music are very good things.

My point is this – those things may help short term, but they don’t take care of the underlying problem. We can only do this by allowing ourselves to feel. When we don’t, it’s like slapping a bandaid over a surgical incision. We need to take time to discover why we feel like we do before we try to pull ourselves out of it.

My fellow moms will be able to relate to this story. When my youngest, who is nine, has feelings she doesn’t understand or doesn’t know where they are coming from, automatically assumes it’s because a little girl in her class has been “so sassy” to her. Now, this little girl has hurt my daughter’s feelings before, but nine times out of ten, that is not the real issue. The real issue is much deeper. Maybe she is feeling insecure, or lonely, or feels inadequate in some way. Maybe the trauma she has experienced in her life is raising its ugly head and claiming territory in her heart. But the easy answer is that this girl is being sassy, because that is what she can see on the surface. And even now, our nine year old inner child is doing the same thing.

A friend of mine recently got on a low dose of medication for anxiety. I asked them if I could make a suggestion, and they gave me permission. I suggested they not get off the meds (with their doctor’s help) until they resolve the underlying issues causing their anxiety. Not their growing to do list, not the financial crunch, not the loneliness they currently live with from day to day. I mentioned that perhaps it was a subconscious feeling of inadequacy because they had not reached certain important life goals, even though they were successful in many other areas. I’m not a therapist, but I’m a pretty good listener, and even if I was off with the subconscious sense of inadequacy, I knew there was something deeper.

We need to stop going through the drive thru with our emotions. Let yourself feel. Discover what hides behind the emotion du jour. Only then can you truly deal with what lies underneath. Only then can you find a permanent solution.

So please, read your Bible, pray, listen to worship music. But let it be out of a heart of gratitude to God – not as a temporary fix. God will use these things to bring healing to our lives, but if we are unable – or unwilling – to deal with the deeper issues, it’s only going to grow our guilt.

Faith is not being perfect. It’s trusting in the One who is perfect.

Not What The Label Says, Pt 2

Not my best photo, but it’s the point that counts.

“Some of these other labels we feel justified in using because they are diagnoses we – or others we know – have received. But let me make this very clear. When a doctor diagnoses someone with an illness or a disease, it is a diagnosis of what they have, not who they are.” – From Not What The Label Says

It has always irritated me when people quote themselves and actually put their name on it, so I decided to just put the name of the post it’s from! Ha. 🙂 However, it was a point I wanted to bring back up, so there you have it. 🙂

As you can see in the picture above, I have a seed packet of Oktoberfest Calendula seeds. (Fun Fact: Calendula are closely related to Marigolds.) I know what kind of seeds are in the packet because of its label. The packet is still sealed, and so I have not planted those seeds. If I did, Oktoberfest Calendula plants would grow – assuming I had them in the right conditions. But if they just sit in the packet, what happens? They won’t grow.

I will tell you right now that this is an imperfect analogy. But stick with me, I’m making an important point.

When we have a label placed on us, it is so easy to make it a part of our identity. But what if we didn’t plant those seeds? What if we refused to accept the label as part of who we are?

Let’s look at it another way. If your doctor tells you that you have a cold and you should go home, get plenty of fluids and rest, would you accept that having a cold is part of your identity? “Hi, I’m Misty and I have a cold. I will probably always have this cold. If you don’t like it, tough cookies, because this is who I am now.” If this is what you would do, we might need to take you to a different kind of doctor!

For years I struggled with severe anxiety and depression. I was so sick that I did accept it as part of my identity. I hated that part of me. I even asked God to either heal me or kill me. He did neither, and I was so angry. I thought I would be miserable my whole life – either in the middle of an episode, or constantly in fear that another episode would begin. It wasn’t until seven months ago that I discovered the cause of my anxiety and depression (more on this on down the road). I changed what was causing these things, and I haven’t had an episode since. That said, it doesn’t work that way for everyone. Some people deal with it their entire lives – just like some people deal with physical illnesses (diabetes, for example) their entire lives. And it’s not their fault. It’s the way their brains are hard-wired.

In my case, it was the situation I was in that was causing my illness. When I asked God to heal me or kill me, it was grace that stayed His hand. Had He healed me then and there, it would have been temporary because my circumstances hadn’t changed. And had He taken my life, my girls would be motherless, my sister sisterless, my parents would have only one daughter, and I would no longer be here. I will come back to this story eventually, but for now, let’s get back to labels.

I am a firm believer that even if if your struggle is lifelong, it does not have to be a part of who you are. I will not say that keeping your identity separate is easy, because that is simply not true. But as the Bible says in Philippians – we can do all things through Christ’s strength.

A quick note – in the same way as we can choose not to plant certain seeds in our lives, there are seeds that we can – and should – plant and nurture. Seeds like love, hope, faith, kindness, integrity, and many others. And there is no better way to do this than to spend time in God’s Word and His Presence every day. It doesn’t have to be for a certain length of time. You don’t have to read a certain number of chapters or verses. Start where you can and be faithful. You’ll find that it grows on its own.

And for any readers who may not be followers of Christ, I invite you to meet Him today. If that’s not something you’re interested in, I will tell you what I tell my daughters. I can’t make you believe in God. I can’t make you choose to follow my convictions. I can share them with you, but ultimately you must make your own choice. Do your own research – and I am not referring to a Facebook or Instagram poll, haha – and figure out for yourself what you do believe. I would hope that you would choose Christ because the Bible makes it clear that He is the only way, but that is between you and God.

Not all of my posts will be strictly about God and my relationship with Him, but I won’t keep Him out of them, because He is a part of my identity. The biggest part. And I won’t apologize for that.

If you are struggling with labels that have been become part of your identity, or if you are attempting to prevent this from happening, feel free to drop me a line. I will pray for you.

Don’t give up and don’t give in. You are worth more than you can ever realize.

Not What The Label Says

This post has been brewing in the back of my mind for the last few days, but today it was as if a lightbulb had gone off in my head. It’s a subject that has been near and dear to my heart for many years – one that I have shared in other settings before, but never in blog form. So here we are, talking about labels.

At first I thought this post would have nothing to do with plants. And while not every post has to be connected to my favorite greenery, this one will be.

Labels are everywhere. Most of the time, they are very helpful. For example, they are convenient when we are grocery shopping, trying to be more mindful of our sugar intake, or when we’re looking for a specific aisle at Lowe’s.

But labels can be painful too.

Stupid. Fat. Anorexic. Loser. Bipolar. Depressed. Troublemaker. Home Wrecker. Baby Killer. Idiot. Fool. Victim. Suffering from Chronic Anxiety and/or PTSD. Hypochondriac.

These are just a few of the detrimental labels that are out there. Some we might feel justified in using. Home Wrecker or Baby Killer, for example. Don’t get me wrong – we need to stand up for what’s right. But which is more right? Is it better to verbally (and sometimes physically) attack someone for making a choice we don’t agree with? Or to love them through it? Did you know that many times “Home Wreckers” are not aware that the man/woman they are dating is married? Often they are hurt nearly as much as the rejected spouse.

And what about “Baby Killers”? Yes, there are a lot of women out there that use it as a form of birth control, but many of them don’t. I would venture to say that a lot of women who seek out abortions feel that they have no other option. And what do many Christians do? They stand there in judgment and condemnation instead of finding a way to help.

But it’s sin! Yes, adultery and abortion are sin. But so is gossip, having a judgmental attitude, and the pride that causes us to think that we are better than them. We must stand up for what we believe in, but in the right way. Ultimately, it’s still their decision.

Shaming them and calling them names is not the way Jesus would do it. He died for them too. God is the Righteous Judge, but He is also Love. It was His love that sent Jesus to the cross, not His judgment.

I wasn’t intending on going there, but I believe God led me to it. It needed to be said.

Some of these other labels we feel justified in using because they are diagnoses we – or others we know – have received. But let me make this very clear. When a doctor diagnoses someone with an illness or a disease, it is a diagnosis of what they have, not who they are.

As Christians, it is our responsibility to look past the labels and find the hurting person underneath. Even if at first they seem to reject us, we need to continue loving them – while simultaneously respecting their space. If they don’t want a hug, don’t get offended. You don’t know what a hug means to them. It could be a form of abuse to them – they could have been held or “hugged” until they gave in to whatever their abuser wanted.

Love them the way they need, not the way you need. If you know they don’t like to talk on the phone, text them. Or if it’s too much for a text, send a text saying, “I want to leave you a voicemail, so when I call in a minute, you don’t need to answer.” And then be okay with just leaving a voicemail.

I have a friend who rarely answers the phone, and even more rarely listens to her messages. So if I call and get her voicemail, I don’t leave a message about what I want to talk to her about. I leave a message expressing how much I love her and her family. How I hope she’s having a wonderful day. That she’s on my mind. That no matter what she’s facing, she’s not alone. It’s not because I think I’m a special somebody that I tell you this. It’s because this world is full of hurting people, and sometimes we need ideas on how to love others when they are different from us.

This post is starting to get far away from what I intended, so let’s call this Part One. Sometime in the next day or so I will write Part Two. (And that’s the part that will include plants, haha.)

A final note before I sign off for the night. It is so tempting to pretend our Christian lives are peachy. But the world needs us to be real. Not pathetic, woe is me nonsense. But real. We are not all called to share their suffering with others – at least not in detail. But we are all called to love the hurting. And the pain we have survived can give others hope. God doesn’t waste pain.

There are times for secrets. But secrets can keep people locked up in chains – both those who hold the secrets, and those waiting to hear them. Not our dirty laundry, but our hope.

Don’t be afraid to offer hope.