Often, when I write a post, I write about a topic that God has laid on my heart. Today I am simply going to write about what He is speaking to me today. If it resonates with you, that’s fantastic, but today’s post is for me.
I have struggled a lot lately with frustration and anger regarding my past and how it affects my present and future. It’s so easy for me to look at the evil going on in the situation, and wonder why God isn’t doing something about it. This is a slippery slope because God knows way more than I do, and I have no desire to try to take His job. But I still have to fight against the bitterness that works to worm its way into my heart.
What usually sets me off is a not-so-casual display of the person’s wealth (mixed with complaints of how “poor” they are). I might make a tenth of what this person makes this year, and while I have no room to complain (God has provided one way or another every step of the way), it still infuriates me sometimes. Other times it’s easy to blow it off and move on.
It’s also really difficult for me to be portrayed as a liar when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Even my lawyer, during divorce meetings, would tell me I was honest to a fault, and coached me (a few times) on how to tell the truth without telling everything I know. God is my vindication, and it shouldn’t matter to me what other people think. To be honest, it’s not really even so much what people think as it is indignation at the injustice of it. And the fact that right now, the perpetrator(s) are getting away with it.
So I’m really struggling lately. Can I just raise my hand right now and say yes, I am human? Because I am really, really human.
In spite of these struggles, in spite of the seeming unfairness of it all, I cling to God’s faithfulness. I know that His Word promises that we reap what we sow and that the evil will find their end.
Today as I was doing my devotions, I found a couple verses that were particularly encouraging for me.
Those who obey Him will not be punished. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble.Ecclesiastes 8:5-6 NLT
Perhaps you read that and are thinking, “Wait, what? How is that encouraging her in what she’s going through right now?” Let me explain.
The last couple weeks I have been struggling with motivation. My thoughts have been along the lines of why bother, what’s the point, etc. I felt that because this person was getting away with the evil things that they have said/done and the things they are still saying/doing, that somehow parts of my life had lost their purpose. Today I was reminded that this simply isn’t true. It doesn’t matter how this evil affects my life. It doesn’t matter how hurtful it is. I can still do what’s right, I can still keep plugging along, and I can still keep pursuing my calling(s) regardless. What God thinks of my life is what matters. It doesn’t matter what my friends, family, coworkers, enemies, or the Walmart greeter thinks of my life. It really doesn’t even matter much what I think, because I am finite and cannot see the big picture, so sometimes what I think is wrong.
So today I picked up the sword that I had dropped when I started comparing how things are to how I thought they should be. I surrendered each situation to God, and I am ready to keep fighting. I will live my life according to what my Creator has called me to, and none other. It will likely require daily surrender cause God knows I’m weak in this area. But we aren’t promised that life will be easy.
My pastor shared a very important question during his message yesterday – a question asked by Mark Batterson. “When did we [as Christians] start believing that God wants to send us to safe places to do easy things?”
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”Jesus, John 16:33 NLT